Our Amazing Earth

This column is dedicated to the study and preservation of the flora and fauna of our lovely planet Earth. This month, we are going to take an exclusive look into the little known world of the Jackalope. The North American jackalope, Lepus Alleni Antilocapridae, is native to the dry desert regions of Arizona, western New Mexico, and parts of Utah and California. The diet of this peculiar beast is compromised mostly of cholla plants and other small desert shrubs, which it digests with a unique three-chambered stomach. Though rarely seen, it’s existence has been repeatedly verified by naturalists through motion-sensing cameras, skeletal remains and rare spottings. Scientist Don Erbst, who specializes in desert wildlife, and once spent nearly a years distantly observing a single Jackalope, says that “Despite the rarity of these amazing creatures they are an integral part of our southwestern ecosystem.” Though he never got close enough to place a critter cam, Don has greatly increased awareness of this desert wonder, which once inhabited much of western North America , but due to human interference is quickly declining.

The World at a Glance

PR– Kosovo
With the tremendous amount of information that has been available on the recent Kosovo Revolution, very little attention has been given to the fact that Kosovo is one of the largest growers of the soap shrub sudicus scrubiens, and therefore produces over 90% of the world’s soap and detergent. If the uprising in Kosovo persists, it could lead to thousands of workers “being excused” from their jobs and, ultimately, a worldwide soap shortage. This, in turn, could lead to epidemics and pandemics across the globe, due to inadequate hygiene and sanitation. Be afraid. Be very afraid. What can you as an individual do? In view of the crisis at hand and the extreme, I repeat, extreme, hazard this could pose to you and your family, Poor Ricky’s is , for a limited time only, selling soap bush starts. Please send 100$ cash to the address on back. In return, we will laugh out loud and pocket the cash. Or you could give me the money in person, so that I can laugh at your face.

Things to say when there is nothing to say!

As the title implies, these are things to say when there’s nothing to say. Some of them were stolen from movies.
“The moon is bright tonight.”
“Your hands are cold.”
“Well, then let me see…”
“ What’s the lowdown… the word?”
“ This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.”
“You twaulkin’ to me?”
“10-4”
“Gee, that’s swell.”
“My, what big teeth you have, Grandmother!”
“No.” (My sister, Annie, will start laughing if you say this to her.)
“Clayton”( don't say this if someone asks you a yes or no question.)
“Stu; Poor; Llama”