A Semi-Sequiter Conversation with Myself

Poor Ricky Personality One: Well friend, how is your life? We haven't spoken for a while.
Personality 2: Yes, except on weekends and holidays, and never between meals.
P1:Well, thats nice, as long as you stay within your budget.
P2: It may appear that way, but, altough some may see the virtues of a socialistic government, I find the prospect rather upsetting.
P1:Yes, but contrarywise, it would not be judicious to jump into something such as child adoption to soon, either.
P2: I heartily concur.

Eulogy to a Computer Backlight

It is a sad week. Last Monday the backlight on my (family's) laptop went out. It was just days before our special double anniversary edition was scheduled to come out. I am writing this from my Dad's office computer, which, unfortunately, does not have Microsoft Publisher. It will some weeks before we will be able to retrieve my files from the ailing home computer, so do not expect another issue of PR until at least late October. Also, my blog frequency may be even less frequent than it already was. But, still, life goes on. And with it, the pursuit of silliness.
~Poor Ricky, Dear Crabby, Douglas Davenport and other Phantoms at PR

Diego, the Adventurous Raisin

Once upon a time, there was a little raisin, who lived with his mommy and daddy and aunts and uncles and cousins, in the raisin box. One day, Diego's cousin, Fausto, got taken away and put on oatmeal. Diego was horrified. How could anyone do that to Fausto? I must warn the others, Diego thought to himself. So he went to the top of the box and said "Good people of the raisin box, I must warn you of the great evil that lurks. Not ten minutes ago, someone took my beloved cousin, Fausto, and put him on oatmeal. We must escape before the same fate befalls the rest of us." A cry came up from the other raisins. They, too, thought it judicious to make an escape, so they all ran out of the raisin box, and hid in diverse corners of the cupboard, living in small tribes, and foraging for broken spaghetti noodles and bits of cashew. They lived very simply, but they were happy. As Thoreau said, Simplify, Simplify, Simplify.
The moral of this story is "Never eat salt and vinegar chips before bed or you, too, might wake up and write a story like this."

Dear Crabby

Dear Crabby, Why is the world round?
Signed, Rupert Who-Had- Nothing-Better-To-Ask

Dear Rupert Who-Had-Nothing-Better-To-Ask,
Get a life.
Signed, More-Crabby-Than- Usual

Dear More-crabby-Than-Usual,
Will you Be my pen pal?
Signed, Rupert Who-Has-A-Life

Dear Rupert Who-Thinks-He-Has-A-Life,
If you are asking a fictional newsletter problem-solver to be your pen pal, then you obviously do NOT have anything remotely resembling life.
Signed, Crabby Un-pen Pal

Dear pen pal,
Do you have a doggy? Do you have a kitty? Do have a brother or sister? Have you ever seen a dinosaur? I like dinos. My favorite food is peanut butter samwiches. I don’t have a puppy. I really want one. For my birthday I want a puppy.
Signed, Rupert Who-Has-A Pen-Pal

Dear Rupert Who-Has-Issues,
Have you seen a counselor?
Signed, Anonymous

The World at a Glance

PR-Berlin
Last night, during a mob raid, fifteen German meat processing plants were burned to the ground. This is not the only attack of its kind recently. On Thursday a raid was carried out in the Hamburg area during which a mob of an estimated 567 people broke into a pork killing plant and released 6834 hogs into the streets. Reports have been coming in from all over Germany of butchers being found dead in their shops. Herman Schwientoeter, a fifth generation sausage maker, made the following statement this afternoon. “I ham fery scared zat mebbe somevon vill zhoot me, bang bang. It like durink ze Third Reich.” This has all been due to a recent vegan movement among the younger German population. This conflict is being commonly referred to throughout all of Europe as “Die Duetsche Wurstkrise” or “The German Sausage Crisis.”

Featured Citizen: Nelson Mandela Smith-Piggott

Our exciting featured citizen this month is Seattle Aquarium’s very own Nelson Mandela Smith-Piggott. Nelson has been working at the aquarium for… um.. many moons. He was named after famous human rights activist Nelson Mandela. Nelson is a cornerstone member of the Save the Whales Foundation. He is also the founder of the Anemone Suffrage Movement. He is currently starting work on a Clownfish Protection Program. Nelson is currently living in a tank in the Puget Sound area. Nelson is a pinkish colored anenome.

Return of the Somewhat Unenlightend Editor

Well, it has been many moons since my last post, and some considerable time since the last issue of PR came out. With any luck, I'll have a new issue out by Sept. the 17th. Or the week after that. Or sometime in the next month. Changing the subject quite abruptly, I just returned from a vacation at the San Juan Islands in Washington. It was really nice. I'm back now though, to continue spreading literary confusion and havoc throughout my little sphere of influnence, and to resume the great work of publishing falsehoods that ought not to be published. And to once again inform the populace of current international crises which may or may not be happening even as we speak. sometimes I yearn for respite from this tedious task. But duty calls and I must answer. Still, life goes on.

zzzzz........

Sorry for the acute lack of literary genius of late, but I've been somewhat busy the past week. We had some visitors from Detroit staying with us this week and we invariably stayed up past one in the morning playing party games. And now I have been sleeping it off infactIam startingto slurm y spech and mmble...zzzzzzzzz...............

A News Update

Pr- Moscow
Today, the Governor of Smallensk announced his plan to build a Three thousand-foot rope ladder to the moon. Officials pointed out to him that a three thousand foot rope ladder would probably not be sufficiently long enough to reach to the moon. They also brought up the question of oxygen. The Governor's aide de camp is currently looking into buying enough oxygen tanks for the entire population of Smallensk for the climb up. Although there are some skeptics, the bulk of Smallenskian are thrilled for this exciting diversion from their normally dull lives of reindeer herding.

Note: There is no proof that this event did not occur. There may or may not be a town of Smallensk, and it may or may not have a governor, and that governor may or may not have proposed such a plan

Words in Question

If you open up your dictionary to a random page, there is a good chance that on that page there will be at least one word that does not sound at all like what it is supposed to mean. Today we are going to be taking a look at some of these words and either giving them a new name or a new definition.
Drogue– a funnel shaped device towed behind a an aircraft for its drag effect.
A funnel shaped device? Not remotely. Drogue sounds like a place where long haired highland cows feed.
Peccary– a piglike animal of the Americas with sharp tusks. No way jose. A peccary sounds more like an exotic variety of nut.
Spiracle– an opening for breathing, as on the sides of an insect.
An opening for breathing my foot. A spiracle sounds like some sort of supernatural being.
And the list goes on. There are so many misplaced words in our language that it is almost funny. Speaking of words that sound like things, have you ever read Jabberwocky, by Lewis Carroll? It is a frabjous poem.

Poetry Please?

Hello all you readers out there. Here is a bit of news that will intrest at least some of you. PR is now looking for original short poems that rhyme. If you have some, email them to me at davenport_douglas@ yahoo.com

The Return of the Mad Editor.

I'm Back. Had a truly exquisite vacation. Well, maybe not, but it was kind of a fun campout, as campouts go. I came home a bright shade of tomato red, due to lots of sun and not enough sunscreen. It is nice to be home away from constant sun exposure. By the way, did y'all enjoy our most recent PR? There might be another coming out in August, if not earlier.

Au Revoir (is that even how it is spelled?)

Well, this may very well be my last post for at least a few weeks. Even now we are beginning to pack for a Fourth of July campout. And after that? Who knows? Well, thus beginneth Summer.
Not that it would make much difference to any of you people out there in peopleland, but I might get my pretty pink arm cast off tomorrow. I'm veritably stoked.
And now a word from our sponsor: "Rainbowflower."
We would now like to take a moment to thank our sponsor for that lovely word.

Featured Citizens.

Well, it's been more that a week since my last post, because my grandparents are visiting, and also because today is PR's deadline. Here is our featured citizen column.

This issue’s featured citizens are Dick and Jane. Oh! Oh! Look, Look. Dick and Jane’s hobbies include : looking , running ,seeing and, in the later books, working, and playing. Here is an excerpt from one of their older books: “ Come Dick come and see. Come, come.”
Wasn’t that beautiful? Well Poor Ricky has his own ideas as to Dick and Jane’s next big adventure, Here it is.
Look, look. See Dick. See Jane. See Dick and Jane. See Jane and Dick. Now Spot comes. See Spot, Jane and Dick. See Jane, Dick and Spot. See Dick, Jane and Spot. Now Puff comes. See Puff, Spot, Jane and Dick . See Dick , Jane, Spot and Puff. See Jane, Puff Dick and Spot. See Spot, Dick, Jane and Puff. Now Tim comes. See Tim, Puff, Spot, Jane and Dick. See Dick, Jane, Spot, Puff and Tim. See Jane, Puff, Spot, Tim and Dick. See Puff, Spot, Tim, Dick and Jane. See Spot, Dick, Tim, Jane and Puff.
The End.

On Second Thought...

Well, as it turns out, there may be more that one issue of PR this summer after all. Our first summer edition is almost ready to come out, so we might get time for a second, or even a third issue this summer.

Breaking News From Everywhere.

Today in Washington, D.C., the secretary for the department of playing in sandboxes announced his new plan “A Sandbox for Every Child.” This proposal was opposed, however by secretary for the U.S. dept.. Of Play Structures, who stated that this proposal was not in accordance with the 1996 play structure safety act. In the sports world today, the chairman of the National Capture the Flag League (NCTFL) officially announced that no athlete can be a part of the league if he is also currently a member of the National Toilet Tag League. This is due to a recent incident during a game of capture the flag between the Arkansas Flaggers and the Nebraska Capturers, when Nebraska player Jimmy O. began flushing his teammates for no apparent reason. This naturally caused confusion and eventually a time out had to be called. Now onto the weather and traffic. There appear to be weather and traffic.

Poverty Stricken Richard? I think not!

It has come to the attention of Poor Ricky and associates that certain individuals have been surmising as to Ricky’s financial status. In a recent business conference he stated that the adjective “poor” did not refer to the state of his finances, for although he did not wish to disclose any sum in particular, he led his associates to believe he was “of ample means whereby to run a charitable newsletter.” He also made it know that through the use of the word “poor” he did not wish any person, or persons, to feel that it summed up the quality of writing. Ricky furthermore stated that he had no relation to historic individuals such as Salem Poor, Enoch Poor, Edward Eerie Poor, Charles Lane Poor or Charles Henry Poor, for, he pointed out, the “Poor” comes before, and not after, his first name. He did not specify the origin, however of this peculiar prefix. Now, as for the “Richard” part, Ricky would like it publicly known that his name is not, nor has it ever been, Richard. His parents felt that the name Richard, quote: “Sounded like an old guy name.” Thus Poor Ricky came to be.

PRs Politics

Preface: At PRA we’ve decided it would be an excellent idea if we threw in some meaningful current event, so here goes. This a political debate (argument) about politicky things between senator Bob Smith ( R ) of Utah ( pron. Yewtaw) and senator Birdsong Savethewhales (D) of Warshington. Savethewhales: I hope you people realize that you are ruining the world, one non-decomposed pop can at a time. Smith: Well, at least we haven’t outlawed exhaling carbon dioxide here in Yewtaw. Savethewhales: If I had my way, we would outlaw metal and plastic containers, toilet paper, homeschoolers and human beings, so that our earth and nature could exist peacefully. Smith: If I had my way, we would outlaw the planet Earth, so that people could exist peacefully, without worrying about pollution. Savethewhales:Well, if everybody and their Mom wasn’t driving a hummer, then maybe we wouldn’t have to worry about it. Smith:Well I bet your mom drives a hummer. Savethewhales: Well, at least my Mom doesn't exhale carbon dioxide!

PR's current events

This week has been a singularly fascinating one in the " Department of Random and Unimportant Events that Everybody Pretends to Care About", or the DORAUETEPTCA,(What an acronym, eh?) what with paleontologists coming out and offcially declaring that dinosaurs may have died an agonizing death, Paris Hilton going back to jail, and scientists finding the part of the brain responsible for deja vu. And we can't forget the harrowing story of the man who did not make an attempt on the Pope's life after jumping onto the popemobile and being caught by security. Wow. This week may go down in history as the week that nothing unimportant didn't happen. Or not.

Poor Ricky Summer Edition

Due to an acute lack of initiative on my part, and an acute lack of literary contributions on the part of our readers, there will only be one issue of PR this summer, as opposed to the usual monthly issue. What with campouts, efy, visiting relatives and the occasional period of relaxation which I hope to schedule in this summer, I'm swamped. If, however, you are dying to read something in the way of a newspaper, you might try the Oregonian. They have called us approximatly 52 times in the last two day with a view to subscribing us to their newspaper, and I'm sure they would be equally happy to have you on their paper route.

The Dark and Stormy Night

This one of the latest articles from poor ricky's almanac:
It was a dark and stormy night. The rain poured down on a solitary figure in black, pacing the streets of London. A shot rang out . The dog barked. A woman screamed. A child began to cry. The butler came running. The maid fainted. The chef dropped a dish of pate de foie gras. The Colonel dropped his paper, put on his slippers and grabbed his shotgun. Thunder clapped and lightning illuminated the house. A constable in the street heard the commotion. He blew his whistle. The man all in black ran down the alley. A cat howled. An owl hoo-hooed. Someone ran down the stairs. A door slammed. The rain poured harder. A young man came running to the scene of the commotion. The woman began to sob. The floorboards creaked. A key turned in the latch. The wind howled. Off in the distance, a siren began to sound. The young man said, “What is the matter, darling?” The young woman replied, “ Well, I was aiming for that fly on the wall, but I seem to have shot the goldfish!” “Oh dear,” said the young man, “ I suppose we’ll have to buy a new one. This one had been floating upside down for a few years anyway.”

Poor Ricky's first blog

Hello people. Wow, there's a wide world out there in computerland. I hadn't realized. Is that how you spell "realized" or is it with an "s' ?